You're more than what you believe. Stop settling for less
Challenge your beliefs to discover your true self. Shift perceptions, overcome self-doubt, and reclaim your power so you can start living the life you were meant for.
*This is the written version of 'its not you' podcast episode #53
"That's just who I am" Said with a slight shrug and a tip of the head.
That's just who I am - The comforting lie we tell ourselves
It's the excuse we use to not change our situation or the status quo, which then gives us permission to blame outside circumstances for our behavior.
The origins of beliefs...who told you who you are?
Who you are is often who you were told to be. And you believe them, whoever 'them' is. Parents, peers, friends, even media and or social media.
The need to fit in and be accepted has thwarted all desirable access to our true selves and given our power away to the first person who shows any signs of favorability to us.
Then, we flock to, and with, a crowd of cluckers who follow a self-proclaimed leader.
That leader doesn't care about you. They care about themselves and the power and validation they are getting from you and from the flock. You are giving them what you are looking for.
You think you're not worthy, so you give worthiness to them or to others. You think you're not good enough, but you assure others are.
The lies we believe: Challenging false narratives
These stories you tell yourself about yourself are lies that you believed. Note, believe has the word lie in it.
And these beliefs have a purpose. Which is to keep you unconscious and unaware of your true nature, your true value, your strength and inner power.
Avoiding pain - The fear of uncovering your true self
You tell yourselves these stories so you can avoid the perceived pain of digging deep to find the true you underneath.
But why?
What is it you're afraid you might uncover? Is it like what I said to a friend of mine years ago?
"If people really saw the true me, they would run like hell in the other direction". As a matter of fact, I even remember describing, like, this thing inside of me was like this devil with horns was the image, and it was ready to pop out at any time.
And this is what people would see in me.
Problem is, I never challenged that. I'm not a horrible person. I never have been. I'm loud. I'm opinionated.
Sure, I could be an asshole sometimes. I'm intolerant to bullshit and lies. But... my true nature is kindness.
In fact, everybody's true nature is kindness and love. It's just that we get triggered into certain behaviors. By the way, I covered triggers in the last episode.
Triggers and beliefs. The hidden connections
Even triggers, we have to have a belief about something in order for us to be triggered.
Now, triggers have their own root cause, which, again, I describe in the last episode. But you gotta have a belief about something in order to activate the trigger.
So, for instance, if you're a parent and your kid says, "I hate you, you're the worst mother in the world"!
Even though, you know that is a tactic that kids use because you probably use it yourself or at least thought it.
If you believe deep down that you're a screw-up, a failure as a parenthood, that from your child will trigger you.
The impact of unchallenged beliefs on perception
If you are confident in your parenting and you don't fall into the trap of being concerned about other people's opinions or what somebody else might think - and instead you understand that people don't do things to you, they do things for themselves, that your child is doing this so they will get what they want, then none of this bothers you.
You won't flinch because you don't believe it's true. In fact, you know it's not true.
The stories we tell ourselves...are they really true?
What are the stories you tell yourself? What are the moments when you say, "Oh, that's just who I am?"
And what resistance creeps up when I ask you:
"Are you sure that's who you are?
How do you know?
How do you know for sure that's 'just who you are?"
Is it because you've done the same thing all these years?
Is it because you are who somebody else said you should be?
Or is it because it's just easier to say that and keep doing what you're doing than to confront the truth?
Reclaiming your true self - A journey of discovery
That who you are is a magnificent, smart, caring, kind, assertive, powerful, intellectual, valuable force of nature, that somewhere in her life has been shut down and shut up and made to feel small.
Now, I understand how this happens. As a child, when, if, all you were ever told or led to believe, based on their actions towards you, that you were a nothing and nobody, that you were, in fact, small, useless, worthless, not good enough.
But as an adult who may feel her dreams are crushed and may ask herself every now and again, what's the point of it all?
Wouldn't it serve you to challenge those beliefs? Maybe start by asking, who is it that said these things to me?
Whether it's a parent, or a peer or some rando on social media. If they're not living a life that you aspire to, why would you believe them?
Breaking free from limiting beliefs. A path to personal growth
Why would you let them shape who you are today as an adult? I know you don't think that's what's happened or happening, but it is.
The longer you believe what they told you, I mean, how many people do you think are still ruled by the grave?
The people that told them things about themselves that weren't true are long dead, and they still believe them and haven't challenged those beliefs. And I get it because I had all those beliefs, too.
And they are beliefs. Which means you believe this about yourself.
But we all know on some deep, deep level that we were designed and meant for more than this. That we have more in us than this.
That alone should give you the authority and the permission, (as if you need permission), to go deeper and find that true self of yours.
Stop using the excuse "that's just who I am."
If you are comfortable with your life and everything is going as planned, then great. Otherwise, it is far more painful to live this way and every day for the rest of your life than it is to go deep, unravel the true you and let her shine.
The power of perception shifts in overcoming self-doubt
One of the things people are afraid of when they think of going deep and finding their true self is they're afraid of losing something. For some people, it's losing friends and family.
For some people, they're afraid that everything in their life will change and nothing will be the same. But if you're losing what isn't working.... so, like, if everything changes around you but it wasn't working before, what are you losing?
You have everything to gain. And that is a perception shift.
When you can realize that you have everything to gain. When you shed the unwanted nonsense, then you can get on the path to discovering your true self.
But here's the other thing.
I mentioned a perception shift... and that's where I want to go next. Your beliefs decide your perception, which then decides your actions.
When you shift your beliefs, your perceptions about things shift.
And your actions also shift.
What all this means is - if you have a belief that you are no good, that you're worthless and you're not good enough - that shapes your perception.
So when you go out into the world, what you experience are things that reinforce the belief that you are not good enough and you are not worthy.
And this happens because you see every interaction or everything going on outside of you, externally, through the lens of these beliefs, this perception.
So, for instance, if someone you care about passes swiftly by you and doesn't acknowledge you, even though you've just acknowledged them, you're going to take that personally and think it's about you.
And validate that you must have done something wrong. Because nothing you do or say is good enough anyway.
And so this story continues.
So you go off, do your thing. You let this bother you for hours and perhaps days. Only to find out that your friend had a crisis that she was all in her head about, (understandably).
And that's where her focus was.
You just spent hours, perhaps days, reinforcing your old lies, beliefs and stories about yourself by making up new stories about the situation that you're in, that you knew nothing about.
And you wonder why you're exhausted every day.
It's exhausting living a life like this. It's exhausting when you walk out the door every day, even roaming around your own house, wondering when the next shoe is going to drop.
Or what's going to happen to me next.
And if that is what you believe, things always happen to you, then things are going to happen to you.
Because that's the way the universe works.
Energy flows where attention goes. The subconscious connection
What you put out, you get back. What you fear, you create.
What you focus on, you bring about. Energy flows where attention goes.
So if your attention is solely on what could go wrong, the energy you're putting out has to draw that back to you, whether you want it or not.
That's the way it works. It's also the way the subconscious mind works. If it believes you are unworthy, then its duty is to prove that you are right.
So it will, through your perceptions, draw that energy, those experiences, to you as proof.
Hypnotherapy - The fast track to belief change
And the way to change all this is to change your beliefs. And the way you change your beliefs is through hypnotherapy.
That's the fastest and easiest way. But you can start at home by challenging your beliefs.
Keep in mind what I've said here about perception and your subconscious and how all this works together. And have enough faith and trust in the information, but more so in yourself, that maybe all you've been told about yourself is not true.
And if it's not true, it's up to you to find what is true.
The power of true self-discovery: Rewriting your story
And this is where you get to dig deep, peel away the scales from your eyes, take the armor off your heart, let your shoulders drop, take a deep breath in, and go back and ask yourself, "what brings me joy?'
Or 'what did I used to love to do that I just don't do anymore?"
Maybe a teacher told you you sucked at art and so you gave it up. But that maybe was one thing that used to bring you joy.
Maybe you stopped playing sports or playing an instrument because you thought all of these other things were 'more important.'
And these extracurriculars were just that. Extracurricular, extra time sucking, when actually they're life breeding.
Letting go of fear. The key to true happiness
By going back and doing the things you love to do, this will bring back those parts of yourself that were suppressed and shoved in a box and stored in the cellar.
This is just one way where you can start getting the real true you, bubbling back to the surface.
So you can feel alive and hopeful again, and in doing so, should lose your fear of loss.
Remember I said people are so scared of losing something, that's why they won't change anything or actively pursue their true self - the things that bring them the most joy - because they're afraid everything around them will just collapse.
And while they might be happy, they'll be all alone.
But think about what that sounds like.
Wouldn't you rather be alone and happy than surrounded by a bunch of people that just drain you? Let's look at it from another angle. Let's look at it from the perspective of story.
So we're talking about the stories you tell yourself and their lies and stuff.
The stories you believe - time to rewrite the narrative
So imagine you have a book, and this book is all the lies you told and believed about yourself, and it's the only book you have.
You don't have social media, you don't have anything. It's the only book you have. And because of your mindset of not being your true self and being distracted and believing what other people say about you, you're drawn to this book just like we're drawn to social media.
So you find yourself daily, maybe a couple times a day, opening this only book that you have where it's just a litany of really crappy stories about yourself.
Now, just imagine if that was a true story.
Imagine yourself doing that. Imagine a book in front of you with all of the things you think you did wrong and the things that you call yourself, and imagine opening it up and leafing through the pages, reading all of these distorted stories about yourself.
And notice how that feels in your body.
Yeah. Nothing like a little self-abuse, eh? This is what you carry around with you every day that you believe these stories about yourself.
Every day that you don't challenge and rewrite these beliefs. Every day that you wonder what it's all for.
Living authentically, the ultimate reward
So, in closing, I want to ask you this.
What would it be worth to you, and for you to let all your stories go and to start over being your true self?
That looks like living a life that you decide you want to live. And no, it doesn't mean it's going to go without any flaws or bumps in the road.
But when they hit, you won't be wondering why they do that to me, or why is the world against me? When you're your true self and you hit a bump in the road, that's exactly all it is - a bump in the road.
And then you find your way over it or around it, or you dig a hole through it.
The power of true self-discovery: A brighter, happier future
Life becomes so much easier when you get back in touch with your true self. And let all of this other melodrama drop to the wayside and be gone. And sometimes, unfortunately, or fortunately, that does mean people in your life may also fall away.
But those people were a part of your identity, part of your old story. That story that's been a lie. But I'll tell you what, this has not been my experience.
I've had clients come back to me and tell me what it did was make their relationship stronger.
So I would say if somebody does drop off, if they're that weak and insecure that they can't accept you rising to your power and your strength and honor your desire to live the best possible life by being happy for you, then they will effectively succeed in dragging you back to the place that you escaped from.
And if this happens, you cannot say, "Why did you do this to me?"